Month: May 2014

As I walked out onto my front porch this morning, a large cup of coffee in hand, I gazed out at the aftermath of a really hard and good rain. With all the talk about global warming and places like California and Texas running out of water in their cities, I really enjoy looking forward to the rain. And while walking around this morning the ground was still so wet that I was slipping and sliding all over the place. For just a moment it reminded me of my time in Vietnam. During those days I did not look forward to the rain. Monday was Memorial Day and I thought of those faces of the young men who do not return.

Usually around Memorial Day there are parades and events attended by survivors like me. Usually the men and women who represent the armed forces look a little bit old. I know that there are a lot of veterans of recent wars, like my son and his wife. If they are like me, I did not want to participate in any ceremony that was connected to war. But many people around the world in all kinds of different countries feel the need to show their appreciation for the service that was provided by the soldiers. I often watch an interview with a soldier who is now in his 80s and I watch his eyes swell up with emotion when recalling the war and those that died serving their country.

Many men and women while fighting in a war cannot take the time to soak in the entire travesty and the loss of humanity surrounding them. They can’t really take time to honor the fallen while they are engaged in action. There were times after a firefight when I got back to a secured location that I would just sit down in a corner and start shaking. This would last for a short time as I had to get back to the business of protecting the area. It wasn’t until I was about sixty years old and retiring that the gravity and the grossness of what I did hit me. Usually when thinking about my time in war I reflect on it almost like it was a movie. But then there are those days that the reality and the finality of my actions make me very emotional.

I can see recent veterans just trying to work hard and raise a family and get on with life without having to relive their experience in war. It is what you have to do to keep from breaking down. But usually on Memorial Day you cannot avoid remembering those faces that did not make it back from the war. For a lot of years I felt guilty about surviving the war. Why wasn’t I killed rather than the man next to me? I know these thoughts are not unique to me. It seems like mankind’s destiny is to repeatedly get involved in a war.

Last night I watched the show on the History Channel called the World Wars. I am always amazed at the number of casualties during World War I and World War II. Literally millions of men on both sides of the issue were killed in such a short time. During the part on the trench wars I was reminded of how I felt when there was incoming mortar rounds. There were times when I would jump into a previous bomb crater just to take cover from the exploding shrapnel.

I think that mankind will always be involved in a war. Whether it is a civil war like the United States went through or a world war where many countries will serve up their young men and women to fight that war. I think about how I was prepared to go to war. I wasn’t, I watched John Wayne movies where the good guys always won. I had no idea how the reality of actually fighting was so fast, furious and chaotic. Since the Vietnam War, which originally was described as a policing action, I have witnessed wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. No matter what you or I think of the reason for going there our young men and women did not hesitate to represent their country. During the last two wars there was no draft, just men women who would volunteer to serve their country. This happens all over the world, not just in the United States.

I think war will always be around and the best that we can do is to find a way to lower the number of casualties, both on the field and after an injury. In looking at the numbers of casualties, starting back with WWI, the numbers have gone down. I do not believe that there will be no casualties in a war. Somebody’s son, daughter, father or mother will die in action as a result a war.

Today, there are drones and aircraft that do not need a human to operate them in the battle field. This will help keep casualty numbers down. But those drones and aircraft are not shooting at other drones and aircraft they are shooting at human beings. The casualties was still exists.

I hope that in the future when the veterans come home that there is a new and better functioning Veterans Administration to greet them. Certainly, those that are physically injured should be taking care of immediately. Those who carry battle scars in their memories will be sought out and taking care of. Physical wounds are much easier to recognize than the PTSD that many of our soldiers bring home. The Veterans Administration should be given sufficient funding to handle the needs of those who we sent to war. The Veterans Administration is a healthcare business and should be run by a professional in the healthcare industry. Maybe it’s a Doctor or healthcare administration professional that should run the VA. War will always be there and cannot be denied. But how we handle and survive war can be improved on.

Normally, I would end this by saying God bless America. But I will add this – God bless the men and woman who become a soldier for their country and are willing to stand up for its ideas even at the cost of their own life.

Pops

 

As I walked out on the porch this morning, coffee in hand, I was greeted by a warm breeze and sunlight shining through the trees. This is truly a beautiful time of the year. I also looked over at a project that I just completed. And by looking at that project came today’s thought. Find a place to sit and think.

The project that I’m speaking about is a bench made from a dead cedar tree that I found on the tree farm. I’d also just received a kit that converts my chainsaw into a saw mill. It is pretty basic in form and it takes a lot of effort to cut through a tree. But after reading the directions I began to cut into the dead cedar. Basically I was just trying to learn to use the new tool. After several cuts to the length of the tree, I think I cut about a 10 foot section; I looked at what I produced and decided to make something of it. And so I took a 6 foot section that was about 4 inches thick and decided to make a bench. Cedar is a beautiful wood that is full of color. After I made the bench and used the remaining parts as the legs for the bench I decided to put a back rest on the bench. I found some of the remaining tree parts that I cut and attempted to make a back rest. The cover of the cedar tree really pops out when you put urethane on it, or as I used to know it – shellac on. Once the bench was constructed I found a place for it just across from our chicken coop and along a walking path of the tree farm.

The purpose of the bench is to give my wife and I a place to sit down in a beautiful surrounding and think about things. When we are both present we talk about things as we sit on the bench. It is a place for contemplation and reflection. It is also is a place for entertainment. The bench faces the chicken coop which has two sides to it. One side has a view of the Bantam chickens with the newly born chick and the other side with a view of the 11 chickens. Each side of the chicken coop has a larger yard so the chickens can peck around for food and be in an open setting. Many times one the chickens will find a bug and all the other chickens chase that chicken in a game we call chicken football. Believe it or not it is very entertaining. The bench is made to handle all kinds of weather and at its best it looks a little rustic. In designing the bench I reflected on the many public places in the cities that I’ve lived that have places to sit and think. While I was working and found myself so very busy I would take refuge at a public Park and sit on the bench. When I lived on the beach I would take the time to find a wall or bench to sit on as I stared at the ocean in search of life’s meaning. Occasionally I would find a bench to set on just to take time to rest. Sometimes when I’m out working and I have my pickup truck with me I use the tailgate to sit on to rest while taking in the view. Many times when I was riding my motorcycle I would just stop at a vista point, remain setting on my motorcycle and look at the world. As a small child in a large city I would use the steps of the front porch to sit on and watch the world go by. The point of all this and the thought of the day are to find a place to sit and think. No matter how busy your day is or crazy your world is there is that place that you can find near where you’re at. It just takes a little commitment to find the place and use it to sit and think. You may not be able to answer all the questions in life by doing so but I think you will appreciate life more if you can find that place. It doesn’t have to be clean it doesn’t have to be new or really designed as a place to sit and think. For example while walking through the tree farm I find myself sitting and thinking on the log that has fallen to the ground. And I don’t think you have to sit there for a long time and think really or answer any questions, just take the time to sit and think.

I got to go, the sunshine is strong and the weather is fine, so I need to be out and about.

Pops

 

 

As I walked on my front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I looked out upon the gray dark morning as the rain continued to come down. I went yesterday to visit a Veteran’s Administration clinic. In the last five years I have experienced three different locations of the Veterans Administration facilities.

I am a Vietnam veteran who is thankful for the help and medication that the United States government provides to me through the Veteran’s Administration. Even so in writing this blog I do worry about some retaliation for what I’m about to say. The Veterans Administration is a dysfunctional institution that needs to be changed or reinvented.

It has a systemic problem and on how it is administered. If you look at the past and present top administrators and Secretaries they all have some military background. The current Secretary used to be a four-star general. It is my opinion that a four-star general has little or no connection with the people on the front lines of the Veterans Administration. Men and women who reach such a level in the armed services were treated like some kind of royalty during their years of service. By the time they had made it past the rank of major they were surrounded by yes men and yes women. No one listed person under the rank of sergeant major could easily or directly contact the general. The chain of command was always in place and I believe the chain of command is necessary to run a military operation. Before a general ever received a report it had been filtered through many other desks. This style of management and administration is tried-and-true for the military

The bad news is that the same people who obtained very high ranks in the military are placed in charge of civilian operations. This is usually followed by the people who used to work for them in the military being hired to work with them in that civilian operation. In the military when a general speaks his or her wishes are taken like laws and are accomplished at all possible costs. The Secretary and his staff are usually busy going from meeting to meeting. Just like in the military they received briefings from their staff members. No staff member wants to give the general or the Secretary bad news.

In the last few weeks the Veterans Administration has been the object of public attention. When I, a veteran, look at the Secretary of Veterans Administration; I have no confidence that he has any real connection with the operations on the ground level of the veteran administration facilities. A general is a person to run a military operation. He or she will use those skills that they learned while going through the ranks. I do not believe they are the persons who should be in charge of a civilian type operation. Veterans are civilians who used to be in the military.

The Veterans Administration should not continue to be run like a military operation. I do not believe that the V. A. should continue with its current leadership and operations style. To begin with there should be a complete change of leadership from the local regional level to the Secretary. Please put in some professional public managers and administrators. I do not think that the positions should be held by business professionals. Rather take a look at all the public administrators in the many health care and nonprofit organizations. These individuals would be a lot more sensitive to the clientele and the workers underneath them.

Even though I only meet the people at the front desk or the ground level medical professionals. I have never gotten the feeling that they are happy to be there. The sheer number of veterans who try and use the facility appears to be overwhelming. It doesn’t take long for the people at the front desk to seem distant and uncaring. They soon seem to just want to achieve the number of veterans seen to send the numbers up to the next level. The medical professionals, many of them new to the profession are from a foreign country, seem to be overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of veterans they see.

The reality of the Veterans Administration is that it is mismanaged and overwhelmed. My experience is that if you want to use the VA you better be prepared for a long wait. Whether it is the compensation procedure, which for the majority of veterans takes over a year, or just getting an appointment to see a medical doctor. It takes months to actually get to a clinic or hospital to see a doctor. The method of trying to meet the numbers has pushed the veteran to be greeted by a person telling them to go to machine to sign in. You have to hear the call of” next”, as you wait in line, by a person behind a closed window and before you can get a full sentence out that you’re there for an appointment, you are interrupted by the person directing you to a machine. It is almost like being dismissed by the commanding officer.

I do not blame the worker at the front desk or the nurse or doctor on the front line, the problem is due to an antiquated system based upon military style leadership. I do not believe that the President of the United States and the Congress will agree on any course of action. I’m asking the Present of the United States, who has the power, to change the leadership and its methods.

The current director was hired to act like a general in his position as Secretary. And he is surrounded by so many yes men and women that he probably believes that he is doing a great job. But the average veteran continues to wait in line, like when he or she was in the service, and follow the orders of a faceless person which the veteran usually complies to without any complaints. Most of us are just thankful that someone cares and appreciates our service.

I believe that the men and women of the United States of America will always rise to the call for action. I did so and many did so without any real expectation of life after the service. Many of us veterans give up on trying working with the VA. It is too big, too complicated and unable to deliver any quality service to all veterans. I know it will be a long process but the VA needs to be changed and I believe this is one of the things that the President of the United States can do.

Pops

 

As I walked out on the front porch this morning, coffee in hand, the sun was just beginning to rise and there was enough light to view the forest and mother nature’ s creation. Today is the second Sunday of May which is the day in America where we all say” thanks and I love you” to our moms.

Mom is such a strong word and to each of us it represents a certain image. Moms come in all ages, shapes and sizes and yet they all were the title of mom. President Woodrow Wilson gave us all a day to recognize our appreciation and our love for mom. That is not to say that is the only day that we show our appreciation and love for mom.

As I was growing up I first became aware Mother’s Day when I was in first grade. With the help of my teacher, a woman and a mom, I made my first happy Mother’s Day card to take home to mom. In the years that followed I continued this tradition of giving mom a card with the message inside of how much I appreciated and loved her. I think during my teenage years I struggled to keep the tradition going. But by the last year of high school the tradition reappeared. Starting in my 20s I would present the card and usually some flowers with great fanfare. Even though I told my mom I loved her every day, Mother’s Day was a day of really going out of the way to show her how I cared. As I grew older and became the father my mom now became grandma. And as the years went by there became a small legion of children and grandchildren who took the time on Mother’s Day to show their love and respect. Each one of us and our children would use the term mom with great respect and love. As my sisters grew older and had children themselves the tradition of Mother’s Day only grew stronger.

My mom became a mom at a very young age. When I look at the pictures of my mom when I was born she looked more like a child herself. With great love and affection and sometimes a little correction my mom raised a family. I was fortunate that my mom and dad stayed together, married, all of their lives. I feel that the word mom is a word of respect and love. Not everyone that we call mom is our natural mom. But they deserve the title of mom. Not all moms live long enough to watch their children grow up and watch grandchildren appear. But no matter how long they were on this earth they are still mom and will always be called mom. They will be remembered with the same respect and love as the mothers are with us today. Even though many of us dads have always been there for our children, it always seemed to me that the moms were more likely to always be there. Maybe that’s why when someone accepting an award or they are on the television, one of the first people they thank is mom. I believe that the moms deserve this recognition and thanks. Moms, no matter what their age or where they live, are always there for you. Even when you’ve done something wrong the one person who is most likelyto stand by your side is your mom. Not all moms are perfect or even good. But they are always your mom. There is something so strong about that relationship that no matter what happens in your life one of the people you’ll probably turn to is your mom.

Sometimes I would forget that my mom was a woman. She was a wife and a worker. She was a human being with feelings and she experienced all the aches and pains of physical and mental health. Many moms are the chief operating officer and budget director of the family. They are by nature given the responsibility of giving birth. Some moms will remind you of the fact that she carried you insider for nine months and she experienced the pain of your actual births. But most moms will tell you that it was one or greatest achievements and moments of her life. Moms seem to remember everyone’s birthday and she reminded us dads of those dates. There are no real qualifications for mom other then she must be female. There is no qualification as to her age or where she’s born or how she looks. I do believe that while pregnant moms do glow. Many moms work hard to get back into shape after the birth of her child. But no matter what shape she is in she will always be mom.

Today’s is Mother’s Day; a day to appreciate and show your love for your mom. For those of us whose mothers have passed on we find other ways to show mom how we appreciate her and love her. Today I will go outside and turn on the sprinklers while the sun is shining and look for the rainbow that will appear as the sun shines through the water. My wife and I will both look for the rainbow and when we see one we will say” hi mom I love you”. Each time we see a rainbow we say this. But today we will have to make our own way to create the opportunity to see the rainbow. With or without the rainbow we think of our moms every day. But it is always special when we see the rainbow.

So my thought for today is to say” happy Mother’s Day I love you and miss you.”

Pops

As I walked out on the front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I was greeted by the sunlight breaking through the trees and the trees moving back and forth with the wind. It looks like it’ll be another beautiful day. I have not written a blog for a while because I enjoy being outside so much. The sunlight calls me out of my house and I spent little time inside. As I walk around and I look at my house and my property, with all the toys that go with it, I feel that I have reached the destination. I do not know if many of you have had this feeling. That is what happens when you have planed the long journey to a destination and you finally arrive.

I’m not sure that as a very young man or even in my 30s and 40s that I actually had a destination in mind. Basically during those years it was more like a survival routine then a trip to a destination. For most of us in my generation you graduated from school, you got a job and you raised a family. Possibly the only destination that you thought about during those years was retirement. During those years you worked hard to handle all the different experiences in life and then you would go to bed, sleep well, and wake up ready to take on the new challenges of the day.

With only the ideal of retirement in mind I was able to secure some financial security for such an event. But as I’ve come to find out the financial security, although it is important, does not get you to a real destination. So in my 60s I begin to concentrate on life in retirement and being happy. I moved from one house and area to another seeking the right environment. In the early years I was a big fisherman who practiced catch and release. Surprisingly, I did not eat the fish. I just enjoy the hunt and the catch. Having lived in several styles of houses I found that I wanted a house with a lot of windows so I could see outside. And even though I lived on several lakes I found the view of trees to be more to my liking. In past years I got into riding motorcycles. I’ve always owned a motorcycle and rode them from my teens to my 20s, my 30s, my 40s all the way to 62 years old. In the last 10 years I concentrated on the Harley-Davidson motorcycle brand. I thought that this was the perfect culture for me during those years. Where else can you be an overweight old man with a beard and long hair and feel like you fit in. Many men and women of my generation who road Harley-Davidson motorcycles really got into tattoos. So you can be old overweight and ugly with a lot of tattoos I still feel like you’re part of that culture. One of the few drawbacks to the Harley-Davidson culture is that it costs a lot of money. Harley-Davidson has one of the few companies that does not discount their product, therefore you always pay retail. Along with the motorcycle you spend a lot of money on gear. No matter where you traveled you would end up buying a Harley-Davidson T-shirt from someplace all around the world.

After I’d been retired for several years I felt the need to move closer to a lake. I wanted a bigger house and the bigger garage or shop to work on my projects. But that is not what happened, while looking at the Internet property for sale postings I happened upon another place. I jokingly refer to it as being in the middle of nowhere Texas. It was a property of 15 acres with a new home and a large shop. From the moment I stood on the property to look at it I knew I had to have it. Although it took a little convincing for my wife to feel the same way, she stood by my side and gave me the okay.

The property is heavily wooded and you cannot see any of the neighbor’s houses from the front porch. I really enjoy the privacy that this gives me and the feeling of peace. Then by some unusual action I found out that the property could qualify to be a Texas tree farm. So after months of working with local forest rangers the property qualified as a Texas tree farm. I wasn’t sure then where this journey was going to take me or know were my destination would be. The disadvantage of living out in the country is that I’m not near my children or grandchildren. Soon I found myself engaging in all types of projects. I began by cutting trails, cutting down dead trees, and putting sod around the house. I bought a sawmill to make boards from the lumber on the property and began digging a water well by hand. The water will just be used for irrigation and to fill the pond. I bought an old truck and fixed it so it could run. I bought an old boat and repaired it and got the old engine to run. My wife and I started raising chickens. And I bought a new John Deere tractor so I could push the dirt around. By now you’re probably wondering what this has to do with my thought of the day. What happens when you have met your destination?

Well incorporated in each one of those actions I found myself to feel complete. I find myself feeling competent and useful. I found myself feeling proud. I’m healthy enough to engage in any project that I want to. I enjoy the start of every day and I’m ready to sleep every night. I do not live in fear nor and false pride. While I was going to college I studied a man named Maslow and his theory of life. He had a hierarchy of needs. At the top of that chart was the term, self-actuation. The for lack of a better example I believe that I am there, self-actualization.

This does not mean that my world is perfect or that I want to preach a word to someone else. For me it just means that I’ve reached a destination and a wonderful time in life. I think what will happen next is that I will try to maintain my state of mind while reaching out for new adventures. What happens when you have met your destination, you work hard to keep it.

Pops