Month: April 2014

As I walked out on my front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I observed the effects of some harsh rain and wind that went through the area yesterday and last night. A tornado touched down about 8 miles east of my house. I was on the phone as the storm passed over my house where multiple lightning strikes made it hard to speak on the phone. I learned today that a tornado continued east into Arkansas near my son’s house. Somewhere along the line of the path of the tornado people lost their lives and their homes. No matter how much you prepare for something like this, it seems almost unreal when it happens. My wife and I had signed up for an app that would alert us when bad weather was about to hit us. This time the alert came well after the storm had past. No matter how prepared your try to be your life and those around you can be taken in just a few minutes. Usually after an event of destruction we look around and ask,” why”. But it doesn’t take long for me to remember that there is no real reason. Natural disasters happened without answering the question why. Certainly when natural disasters happen you cannot put the blame for the disaster on anyone person or group.

It does not matter who you are or where you live. Natural disasters bring us all back to being just human beings. Once a tornado takes a life or destroys all belongings, it does so without any regard to your race, religion or political affiliation. The report from the scene of a disaster does not read how many Republicans or Democrats were killed or displaced. It does not read how many Christians, Buddhists, Hindus or Jews were killed. When it comes to natural disasters there is no discrimination. We grieve for the loss of human lives. No matter what country the disaster happens in there are true feelings for those that are lost. Sometimes I think it takes a natural disaster to bring out the best in mankind.

Being retired and living a long time has exposed me to the many different conditions of mankind and given me more of a tolerance for all the different cultures. It also has me accepting the fact that we all die. Sometimes I even focus too much on the aspect of dying. And it is always great when something happens that makes me think more of life. It is nice to find something that brings sunshine rather than clouds into my mind.

That happens each time a child is born. I have been blessed with many children and many more grandchildren. Such an event brings along with it happiness and hope. The birth of the child, both inside and outside my family, always brings joy to my life. In the last few days I have found hope and joy again in another birth.

It was not the birth of a child, but the birth of a chicken. If you would’ve told me that this would bring me joy before moving out to the country, I would’ve laughed at you. In the past two days two chicks were hatched on my tree farm. My wife and I have several bantam chickens, one rooster and six hens. Several weeks ago two of the hens seemed never to leave the roost. We checked on them and found out that they were setting on several eggs. We have no prior experience with chickens. After about 21 days as we checked on the hen we noticed a small movement in the corner of the roost. To our amazement and surprise it was a brand-new chick. Bantam chicks are just a little bit bigger than your thumb. My wife and I both seem to light up with joy at this new birth. I know it may sound a little silly, it wasn’t the birth of another child to one of our children, but it brought us joy. Something so simple and yet so amazing.

Even though I know that every day people die from all kinds of reasons. And I still I mourn the death of those members of my family. But the birth of this chick, the next day there was another chick born, made me feel hopeful again. Whether I lean left or right in my politics or I am considered healthy or disabled, new life always brings me new hope. No matter what your religion is or you race, new life brings new hope.

My thought for the day is that if you’re feeling low and somewhat overwhelmed by the events around you, look for new life. Look around you to find the new life, even if it is not a human being. It could be a pet or something simple as a chicken. If you look around for new life I believe you will find new hope. In my thoughts finding new hope is essential to life.

Pops

I hope this did not sound too heavy, but the tornado caused my thoughts to go this way today.

As I walked out on my front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I was greeted by 60° weather and beautiful sunshine breaking through the trees and landing softly on the ground. I was pleased to see that some of the grass I had planted in the beginning of April was now growing to make the front lawn a light green color. As I do on most mornings, I turned on the television and watched some news. The national networks continue to show the latest disasters, both man-made and natural. They also continue to show the United States and our president traveling around the world. Usually there’s a mention of Syria and Ukraine. Today there was also a mention of North Korea and Japan. Some of the stories show VP Biden and the United States as they travel to different countries and areas. All of this diplomacy reminded me of Pres. Roosevelt’s statement,” speak softly but carry a big stick”.

Somehow, decades later, we have ended up doing the opposite. The United States continues to threaten countries like Russia, Syria and northern Korea to name a few. Instead of behind-the-scenes negotiations we have ended up trying to be the bully of the world, bullys usually get their way by just threatening people. Now it seems that is exactly what the United States is doing. We have lost the big stick and now just threatening people rather than acting. I know that I do not want to send troops to any other country. Our involvement in other governments, in their countries, has been less than effective for the United States of America. So I believe we are not likely to send troops to any other part of the world for another decade. I also think that other countries, who do not share the same values and ideals as the United States, know that we are not going to war or will send troops to their country. Those countries of a smaller nature than the United States of America have in the past aligned themselves with the United States. It is sort of like the people who align themselves with the bully so they can have the bully’s protection. Much like the advice we give our children (or that I got)when you meet a bully in school. If the bully is confronted especially by more than one of the people he pushes around, the bully will lose his power and soon those who surround him will leave. Russia’s Pres. Putin certainly has recognized this, so has the Syria president and North Korea’s young leader. When I hear of the United States sending money to those people who oppose Russia’s, Syria’s and North Korea’s governments I start to get irritated. We could certainly use those monies at home whether it’s battling homeless, children’s education and cancer or drug addictions in our country.

I believe, unless shown a clear and present danger from those countries, the United States of America should allow the people that live in those countries choose their fate. There will always be two sides to an argument and in each of those countries both sides feel they’re in the right. If people in Ukraine want to live back under the Russian control they should decide that. If it doesn’t work they will break away from the Russian control again. But that will be their choice. If the leadership in Syria continues to use unpopular methods to keeping the control, let their citizens fight that battle. As it was shown in the Arab spring, many of the long-time leaders fell. Not because of United States of America’s wishes, but because the citizens of those countries had just had enough. Not unlike a time when the United States of America broke away from the English rule, our forefathers died in that cause. The people of those countries also paid a heavy price. And now a few of them believe they made a mistake and want to go back to the previous regime. Why not let them do what they believe is right and their country.

I know that with our existing Congress that our president has little to no power in his existing term. I’m sure that foreign governments know the same thing. Short of saying that our government is broken, it is sort of like inert gas. They know it exists but it has little effect. I believe after World War II the United States became a superpower. And at that time only Russia claimed to be at the same level. Russia fell apart and China became strong, the United States stood alone as a superpower. But, like history has shown, all superpowers or empires eventually diminish. Mainly because they had stretched their control too far from home. If you have the capability to watch news programs that are generated from other countries, the United States of America is shown as becoming a week power. This is not to say that we are too weak or finished on the world stage. But I think were out of condition. We have extended our power too far and wide. Much like England experienced as its sphere of control diminished in the last century, I think we should use the same policy and procedures that have been used by leaders for centuries. I think we should withdraw and reinforce our country. That does not mean that we quit but rather we need to withdraw replenish our resources to become strong again. I’m not just talking about gas or oil. I’m talking about replenishing our most cherished resource our people. I think it is time that we stop sending money to other nations to influence the government. Let’s pull back from that and reinvest that money into our own people and country. I think the United States is exhausted and needs to concentrate what resources it has and to getting us healthy again. Without giving the money away to the people in this country, let’s find a way so that we can help ourselves: the development of new jobs, the elevation of education and the concentration on health and environmental protection. I have always believed that in every family there is that person that is the rock. They’re on solid ground with firm beliefs. With that rock as its center the family can gather around and improve to get healthy. Some of the strongest rocks I have ever been privileged to meet where those grandmothers and mothers: in the inner cities, in the suburbs and in the country that have taken up the slack of lost parents and partners. Whether the parents or partner were lost by death, injury or by the abuse of narcotics, those grandmothers and mothers stood as rocks and cared for their children and their grandchildren. This is not to say that their grandfathers that are in the picture. But it is my observation that the grandmothers and mothers of this world deserve a lot of credit.

Those grandmothers and mothers may have grown up in a time when their families were strong and healthy (like the United States of America in the last century) and then (to no fault of their own) their world changed. And to their credit, they regrouped they reinforced and found the resources to be the rock keep the family going.

I am not a doomsday believer. I do not believe that we are at such a critical time that all will come crumbling down. We (the citizens of the United States) are tired, wearing and close to exhaustion. We need to pull back take another look at our situation and replace our energies and resources to become strong again. We must not disappear from the world stage but we do not have to be a superpower. Just because we think things should go a certain way doesn’t mean that everybody should feel the same way. I think the diversity is good for the earth and its people. I choose to live in the United States of America because it is my home. I cannot justify the United States of America telling other nations and their people on how they should live. Not everyplace should be a democracy. The United States of America cannot continue to act like a bully. When we draw a line and tell the other side not to cross it or there will be repercussions, then when that line is crossed we should act quickly and decisively. If we don’t do that then don’t draw lines. If there’s a clear and present danger to the United States we should act quickly. Hopefully, it will not be a repeat of President Bush and Iraq, where weapons of mass destruction did not exist. It is time to retreat from many of the foreign countries and replenish our resources. Then as a stronger country and people we can go forward but hopefully will do so speak softly and carry a big stick.

Pops

 

As I walked out on the front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I looked out as the morning sun bounced off the new leaves of the trees in the forest revealing both sunshine areas of the forest floor and shaded areas. I slept in today after making an early drive(2:45 am) to the airport.

After some family members had visited our home it was time to take them to the airport for their journey back to California. The trip to the airport is about an hour and a half long which gave us time to talk. The discussion this morning was about driving. I have mentioned in a prior blog that I love to drive. But how I drive now is completely different than how I used to drive in my 20s and 30s. Among the passengers in the car was my father-in-law, a product of America’s greatest generation. And so during the conversation there were some memory shared by family members on car trips. I think that all families go through these moments, so I’ve decided to give them some thought.

One of the thoughts is about how when some people drive there is the practice of the driver that there will be no “stopping until we get there”. You know what I mean; somebody in the car is hungry or they have to go to the bathroom about every 15 minutes. There are those drivers that just refuse to stop. It is as if the 15 minute delay would destroy the days schedule. I think all of us as children remember the days of long car trips were dad or mom (whoever was the usual driver for the family) would decline any requests to pullover. What is more irritating is that even as adults, particularly as we got older, the driver of the vehicle has the power to deny any request to pullover. It is as if they pullover something terrible is going to happen.

There are also those drivers who drive so fast that they seem to get too close to the cars in front of them. It is as if the presence of their car can magically make the car ahead go faster. They are the same drivers that feel like the person in front of them are driving too slow even if the car ahead is driving the speed limit. You can hear them yell to the car ahead to speed up or get out of the way, as if the car in front of them could really hear it. As a young person, you will usually just hold on with white knuckles and look to the side so you would not have to see how close you are to the other car. As an adult, especially spouse, some words of advice “like slow down” or “are you trying to kill us” comes out in various levels of volume. This usually does not dissuade the driver from their actions. What will really get them riled up is to be on a road that has no areas for passing. I’ve even observed some people pass other cars on the right just to get around. Following too closely is one of the major contributors to serious accidents today. That being said, it doesn’t seem to affect those drivers who feel that the air cushion in front of their car can push the car in front of them to go faster.

Of equal concern is the driver who drives about 20 miles an hour below the speed limit. They declare the right to go whatever speed they want and refused to pullover just so that speeder can pass them. To listen to the slow driver, they would tell you that that the other driver was doing at least 100 mile an hour. This is the same driver, while driving on a four-lane highway, refuses to get out of the left or fast lane to the slower right lane.

There are those drivers who seem to follow the rule that if the speed limit is 70 miles an hour they must do 70 miles an hour. The drivers don’t necessarily try to driveway above the speed limit, but they refused to slow down when negotiating turns or bad spots in the road. I think these drivers are cousins to the driver who just does not want anyone to pass them. You know the ones that are driving about 15 miles an hour below the speed limit until you get behind them. And they may slow down to 20 miles an hour below the speed limit and when you decide that you want to pass them they speed up to speed limit or beyond. This is more like a game when you’re on multilane road, but it is a serious concern when you’re on a two lane road. Many times while driving on a two lane country road I end up behind a vehicle that just doesn’t seem to know what speed they want to go. If I’m behind them they would slow down to almost a stop at the next thing I know they’re going well over the speed limit. I usually can observe that this person is either on the phone or talking to the person next to them. I’ve always wondered why they must look at the person in the passenger seat to talk to them. They are usually the same drivers who use their hands as communication tools while talking. I think once they realize that their speed has drop-down and they are not paying attention they get back into the serious action of driving.

I have also experienced what I call the rabbit driver. You know they are the ones that speed up quickly at the stoplight. They move from lane to lane if given the slightest room between two cars. They are in a hurry to get in back of the car in front of them, only to change lanes to gain that one car length advantage. The only time I like to see the rabbit is when I am on the freeway. They fly up behind me in the right hand lane and then quickly move around me, usually doing about 20 miles over the speed. The reason I like to see them on the freeway is that if there’s any law enforcement on the road they are going to see the rabbit. I am less likely to be the object of their attention. Rabbits do not always drive little sports cars. The biggest rabbits are the 18 wheelers. Most of those drivers are very good drivers. But the rabbit 18 wheeler drives those rigs like they are sports cars.

This brings me to the title of this blog driving the Petunia. I call my wife, the Petunia. I have become accustomed to driving with her help. Unlike many passenger who continually yell out at the driver during a trip, she uses a series of hand gestures. You know like if she thinks I’m going to fast she moves her hand up and down in a slowdown motion. She doesn’t do this in front of my face, I have peripheral vision and I see the motion. In my older age I am more than glad to slow down. Of course there is that usual move to the handgrip on the passenger side of the door. You know the one where people feel like they’re probably going to end up in a wreck and so they are holding on for dear life. This usually requires me to drive slower on the curves. There are a series of other hand gestures that communicate to me that my passenger is uneasy with my driving. I’ve seen many couples end up in a raging argument because the passenger (commonly called the backseat driver) is unhappy with the driver. I made a deal with my wife a long time ago that saying, or even yelling ”LOOK OUT”, is always in order. As much as I would like to believe that I can see everything around my vehicle there are those blind spots and times when I just do not see the other vehicle. I would prefer that she yell, look out, rather than end up in an accident.

So as I drove to the airport today and I listened to and participated in conversations about our moms or dads and their loved ones driving adventures, it occurred to me that we all go through these driving experiences. How many times while riding as a passenger have you stepped on the floorboard as if there was a break on your side? I would bet it’s happened a lot. How many times have you put your hand out on the dashboard of the car on the passenger side of the vehicle as if to prepare for an accident?

All of these have and will continue to happen while driving the Petunia. And my thought on this is that if you are the driver, have some patience and listen to your passenger. Don’t just pullover to the side of the road and yell at your passenger.” Okay then dammit you do the driving”.

Pops

 

As I walked out on my porch this morning, coffee in hand, I looked around to see the forest in full bloom. Most of the tree leaves were light green and they were back grounded by leaves which have turned dark green. It is a new season. I was reminded of a song made popular by the Byrds. Their lyrics come from the King James Bible book of Ecclesiates Chapter 3. To begin with I really enjoy the song and then in the later years when I really enjoyed the message. There are some minor differences between the song’s lyrics and the Bibles versus. But the message to me is that there are times in your life that you must accept what is happened and move on to what can happen.

As I look back in my life there was a lot of turning. I started out in the small town of Speedway Indiana and ended up in the northeast section of Texas. Along the journey I found that I kept reinventing myself as life presented me with the opportunity to change. After graduating from high school I thought I was going to be a draftsman and work in a company that was representative of the postwar era. I did work for while in a shop were 15 small drafting desk faced a larger drafting desk. This was so much like a union shop. At 10:30 in the morning there was a break (in those days it was called a smoking break). Then exactly at noon there was a lunch break and you dare not go back to your desk before one o’clock. Then at about 2:30 in the afternoon there was another break (smoking break). And then a horn sounded at 5 PM which meant, put down your pencils and stop work for the day. As I headed off to college, Indiana University, my country was involved in the Vietnam War. During my sophomore year I joined the Army, to be a map maker. But somehow during my training I ended up going to Officer Candidate School at Fort Benning Georgia. It wasn’t long after being commissioned as a lieutenant in the infantry that I was sent off to war. That was one of the first turns of significance in my life. I left behind the memories of a small Midwest town and found myself in the middle of hell and in charge of a platoon. Unfortunately this was a time for war. And somehow I accepted that as a part of the bigger picture and as in the song for everything there purpose under heaven.

Upon returning to the United States, to the calls that I was a baby killer and a warmonger, I found myself in Los Angeles California. I became the police man with the LAPD (in those days they were called police man and policewoman), somewhat as it appeared on the TV programs, Dragnet and Adam 12, I was exposed to many different cultures and experiences. This is a turn that took me from black and white, good versus bad, to the life of many colors. I soon found that the letter of the law was many times redefined by a judge or a jury. As stated Chapter 3 verse 11 “And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there”.

For several decades I endured and enjoyed the challenges of my job. I also found (as stated in the Bible and the song verses three and four) I watched as it was a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. I watched the city of LA experience a riot and a larger earthquake. To my regret I found the time to marry and a time to divorce.

But then it was a time to turn my life again and retire. It was time to start a new and I did so by moving to Texas. It was time to reinvent myself again. But I found myself back in law enforcement and worked as a detective for the Montgomery County Sheriff Department. I found the style of law enforcement to be both similar and completely different. In a large city there are many police officers who, in a short order of time, can be there to help you. In the country your backup maybe over 45 min. away and that may only be one person. As I turn 60 it was time to turn again. After working for a government agency that experienced a change in leadership, I found myself unwanted and uninvolved. It was also during that time that I found out that I had prostate cancer, in that same year that my brother and mother died. It was time to turn again. I did so by moving up in the north part of Texas and turning my property into a Texas tree farm. And now at 66 years old is time to turn again. Not as much as to where I live and not as to my wife and family. I have for many years maintain the same opinions and the same outlook on life. Maybe it’s because of all those years of being a policeman, but I’ve had a very skeptical view on life and the people around me.

I watched CBS Sunday Morning again; I like the show and watched a section on Pharrell Williams. He currently has a hit song called “happy”. I like the song and I like the message in the song. It’s almost like the song,” don’t worry be happy”. During the interview Mr. Williams pointed out that in his success he realized it wasn’t all about him. He used the example of a kite. It’s not just the kite that you look up at; it takes the wind to make the kite work. And in my case it is not all about me; it is the people around me. I hope to show more appreciation to those people in my life. And so I look at another turn in my life. Sometimes I fight that turn and want everything to remain the same. I think it’s because I have felt comfortable without change. I was interested in one of the stories about a 98-year-old barber named Joe Brown. One of his statements was that he had watched many people retire and within four or five years they passed away. So the barber keeps on working. Words I also heard from Frank of Sacramento.

My thought for the day follows along the lyrics of the song and the verses in the Bible. For everything thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven. My purposes have been many; that of a soldier fighting for his country, to a policeman who try to protect and serve, to retired disabled veteran. I am ready for a new purpose. I do not just want to sit at some home and watch television. I do not want to sit in some old bar and complain about everything on earth. I, like many other people my age, need to make a turn that will keep life fresh and exciting. We are living longer than any generation before us.

One thought is for people to not be afraid of turning their life. That is to say do not be afraid of change. I will go back to another statement from Mr. Williams. Something to the effect that, he did not want to live in a planned world but rather to enjoy the world around him, great thoughts from a man just 41 years old. The world is always changing, so should we.

For everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die. In between those two times there are many turns. I hope to experience many more turns.

Pops

 

 

As I walked out on my front porch this morning, latte in hand, I was greeted by a cold North wind and sunshine breaking through the trees, warming the land. As I drank my latte (it’s like old times when I lived near a Starbucks) I smugly said to myself this is my kingdom. I feel like I am the King of this land.

Then I asked myself, what are you crazy? There are no kings and monarchies in the United States of America. But everywhere you look Americans give things titles as they do in England. As I watched the daily news there was this long piece on England’s new Prince George and his parents in one of England’s empire countries. Several minutes were spent on this young baby crawling around with other small children. With all the newsworthy events in the world why is that so important? Royal families, didn’t our founding fathers fight hard to get away from the King of England? This is not to reflect on England’s current royal family members who are traveling through their empire. But rather to look at American’s fascination with titles such as those used in England. It seems like the terms: King of —– or Queen of—— is used a lot in America. Even Charles Barkley, retired basketball player, refers to himself as Sir Charles Barkley. Our TV personalities, especially late night personalities, fight for the title of king of late-night television. It is not uncommon for children to be called a Prince or Princess. However I believe the term Princess is used a lot more than the word prince when referring to children. Many times the wealthy and influential families in America are treated like royal families. Singers and entertainers seem to want to use royal titles, like Duke Ellington and Queen Latifah. If you are interested in rodeos there is a title of King of the Cowboys (I’m not sure but wasn’t Roy Rogers referred to in that way?). Even in some of our daily conversations you hear: that guy is a prince or she acted like a princess. It really seems that Americans still want royal family titles.

I will admit that sometimes I think there are royal families. This started with the Roosevelt family, then the Kennedy family. More recently there is the Bush family. I don’t want to forget the Clintons. It seems like when any member of those families run for an office they get it. Currently, President Obama is truly exception to the past. With the vast multitude of people who live in United States why do we vote for members of the fore mentioned families? What is the fascination with royal family titles? And not just the English version of a royal family: but the Arab world royal families. Although I don’t hear the title Sheik used a lot, I do hear of the royal family in the Arab is a world.

I have the impression that the United States of America desires democracy, not monarchy. I do not see the USA with a King or Queen in power. And I do not see titles such as Sir —– or Duke and Duchess of ==== given out in the USA.

So why does it seem like Americans want such titles. For all the work and effort that went into our history to make everyone equal, is it going to disappear? It sure sounds like there are many people out there who want to be a King or Queen. I know you probably say I getting way too serious about something that is done in fun. But it is a thought: is the future of America made up with the Kings or Queens. Will only families who have a history of their family members as president, senator or congressman be allowed to continue to dominate and rule? Maybe we just watched too many Walt Disney movies where there’s always a Prince and a princess, King and a Queen as main characters in the fascinating stories that are told. Maybe it’s the fact that many people want to feel like royalty. I think they would like the title but would be surprised that the responsibility that goes with it. They might want to be the king and the queen of the prom or homecoming, but of a country? I don’t think they would enjoy the responsibilities that go with taking care of all the subjects in the kingdom.

I guess I got this thought started this morning because it didn’t seem as news worthy to me to watch one of England’s royal family, little Prince George, crawling around with other small children. I am surprise in this day and age that New Zealand or Australia still recognize England’s royal family as their royal family. India many years ago woke up and declared its freedom. That is not to say that the country ran any better without a King or Queen, but each person in India felt more like they were in control of their future.

I do not mean to infer that I do not like England’s royal family. The Queen of England is an admiral person and the princes and princesses are good people. And as a grandfather watching little Prince George crawling around was cute and remind me of my children. But is it really that noteworthy. Maybe it’s the appeal of a royal family soap opera that keeps people watching.

So back to my thought for the day, why are so infatuated by England’s royal family? I don’t know, do you?

Pops

Ps I haven’t been writing a lot lately as spring is here with its warm weather, I am outside a lot.

I also have been a little grumpy lately (an old man’s tradition) after watching the news. So I have been holding back and cooling off.

 

As I walked out on the front porch this morning, my coffee in hand, I watched the wind moving the large trees back and forth. I’m always amazed how these tall giants still bend with the wind. That is something that I hope I have learned to do. The wind in my case is the circumstances and scenarios presented to me on a daily basis. I stand strong with many ideals and principles; I also find that I have to bend with the wind on certain occasions. I think that being in a relationship, marriage, require that you bend with the wind and still remain strong.

I feel strongly about my ability to accomplish both complicated and simple tasks. This last week I had to find a letter that I had received from the Veterans Administration about my disability. So I began my search looking through every place that my wife and I store important documents. After about an hour of searching I realized that I needed some help from my wife. My wife was away taking care of her sick sister, so I had to call her on the phone and asked if she knew where the letter was at. I listened as she went through a list of places to search. And I felt good in telling her that I had already looked there. Finally, she was positive that it was in a certain file. So I searched the file again and did not find the letter. I was able to go to the Internet and use the government resources to get a copy of the letter that I needed.

Several days after my wife had returned home, she decided to look for that letter. And she found it exactly in the file she said it was going to be in. Earlier, she had also described to me that the letter may have been folded. Well that is exactly the condition it was in. Once again I looked in a location and came up empty. My condition had been called, “man looking”. This condition describes how a man can look for something and not find it. Then directly after that his wife will look in the same area and find the item. I do not know if this condition is part of my DNA or a tradition handed down from my father. But I’m sure many of you have been there when the man will ask: honey, wear are my glasses? Or something like: have you seen my wallet or have you seen the keys to the car? I could go on and on. And many times the wife will answer: did you look next to the refrigerator or on the nightstand. The man would say, yes, I looked there. Then after a few more minutes of the man searching and calling out to his wife if she knows where something is at, the wife will go directly to the spot she mentioned before and find the item. This scenario can many times get worse because a man gets angry when the wife finds the item. Also there are sometimes when the wife gets angry when she finds the item which is usually handed to the man with “the look”. This condition is something that moms are used to. As they raise their children they are constantly asked about where something is at. Do we ask the wife or mom about where something is at because were lazy or because she will know where the item is at and we don’t? Whatever the reason I imagine this condition will continue to happen for generations to come. I think that when I was first introduced to the term “man looking” I was a little offended. But like the trees that bend with the wind, I have learned to accept the term without hesitation and still ask my wife where something is at. I would like to say that when it comes to my tools in my shop I know where they are at. But that’s not the truth. I know that the tools are somewhere in the shop and I usually begin my search by starting at one location and going 360° around in my search. I must say that I do this dance in my shop more than several times a day. Since my wife does not go out into the shop very often it would be futile to ask her where my tools are at. So my shop is a safe zone for “man looking”, it can happen and no one know the better.

I’m sure there are many of you out there who experience this condition. And at some point in time either you or your spouse has got a little angry about “man looking”. My thought on this is that somehow the male species has this condition, maybe, from the environment that he grew up in. My parents were part of America’s greatest generation. Where men went off to work and the woman stayed at home and raised the children. The condition of the house on the inside was the woman’s responsibility and the condition of the house on the outside was a man’s responsibility. Therefore while I was growing up I heard my dad continually ask my mom where something was at. And without fail mom would find it and bring it to him. This all seemed natural to me while growing up. But the environment these days in a household is not the same as it was back then after World War II. In many of the households both parents worked. But I think the same condition still occurs when a man is looking for an item. The wife still seems to be the best person at finding those lost items. I use the term lost because the man cannot find it and therefore considers that it is lost. The reality is that the item is not lost but maybe the man is.

My thought on this is to just learn to live with it. Do not become angry because you are accused of “man looking”. Just realize it is something that you are probably conditioned to. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to do better, but don’t get angry when it happens. And to those many wives: try to live with this condition. Please be patient and continue to be understanding when you find those items.

I’ve got to go to the store now.

Honey, do you know where the car keys are at?

Pops

 

As I walked out on the front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I was delighted to see the light green of new leaves on the trees in the forest. The little tiny leaves have that beautiful bright green to them that makes the forest look alive again. With the combination of sunshine and recent rain the cycle of life in the forest begins. And I am here to enjoy it.

I’m also happy that my wife is back at home after spending some time with her sick sister. And after she got home we sat down and talked awhile to catch up on what’s been happening. We try to do this on a regular basis, once a day. Usually during those conversations there is some sort of reference to a previous conversation. And I’m always amazed when I go to recall those conversations of what I thought I had said and find out that was not what my wife heard. In the beginning of our marriage when I thought I had said something and she recalled something different, there would be some sort of a debate about it. Not to be confused with an argument or a total disagreement. But as the years went on and on I found out that those debates were usually won by my wife. Why, because she’s a good debater? No, usually after doing some research I would find out that what I remembered was not necessarily what happened. I would like to say that this is a direct result of getting old. But since this has been going on for decades I think it has to do with my selective memory. There are so many things that have happened to me in my life, somehow I choose only to remember selective events. There are also some occasions where I can’t believe that I would say such a thing to anyone. While working as a detective I would often record a conversation with a suspect. And many times, before the suspect would lawyer up, statements would be made. Usually, later on in the legal process, the suspect would deny that he or she said certain things. In the days before everyone’s phone was either recording a video or voice, there were many court cases decided on who to believe. For those of you who have children, preteens and teens you probably often find that there is a dispute in what you or your child said, usually after something bad has happened. And if you had the misfortune of standing by what you thought you said only to have an uninterested third-party confirm that you did not say that. It is almost like you can’t believe it, are you sure that is what you said? I find more often than not, that I’ve become very careful and calculating about making any statements. I’m sure that part of that comes from being a detective and remembering how some defense attorneys worked a statement I had made into something that was totally different. For those elected people who are constantly speaking to a group or commenting on television, they not only have to worry about what they said but how it was received. When I used to teach I would use the example of the word “dude” and how someone could use just that one word to communicate to others. It is not so much the word it is how you pronounce it, presented it and you express it. I’m sure the same thing has happened while I was making a statement. The way I pronounced it, presented it and especially my expressions resulted in the person I’m speaking to hearing something different than what I thought I said. Sometimes while communicating in a different culture or country a word or phrase that I would use at home, is received as something totally different to that culture.

I now have become accustomed to really thinking about what I said when someone else reminds me that I said something different. I’ve stopped making it a debate and taken some time to look at the possibilities of a miscommunication. Of course there are times when I said stuff and I was just totally wrong. As much as I hate to think that I am wrong a lot, I have to be open to that possibility. I’ve also started to repeat my statements and I asked the person I’m talking to verify the communication. I think there are many of you out there that have found yourself in the situation where you or the person you’re talking to has asked: are you sure you said that? And probably as much is you want to always be right you find out that the communication you are trying to make failed. It really becomes involved if it’s about a personal issue. I think that married couples probably face this issue more than anyone else. Sometimes while you’re working you may run across they scenario where your boss, your coworker or your employee will dispute what you think you had told them. I remember that it got so bad while I was working I did everything with a follow-up e-mail. Even then there were times that my written communication was ill structured and the question would arise: are you sure you said that?

I bring this thought out today to remind myself to be open to the fact that I may not have said that. But I also put it out there as a thought for you, the reader, to think about. How critical is the statement that is in dispute. Most of the debates or arguments about what was said are about an unimportant aspect of your life. Here’s a good example:” you said you would take out the garbage today (answer) no I said I would take out the garbage and I said it today but I didn’t mean today. How really important is it what was said about taking out the garbage? It is a small thing and yet you would be surprised how aggravated and exaggerated the issue could get. Did you really say that? Well I think in this case it is the better part of valor to consider what you said and just take out the garbage.

So my thought for today is for you to ask yourself are you sure you really say that?

Pops