As I walked out on the front porch this morning, coffee in hand, I was met by the chill of the weather. The temperature was in the 30s and the wind was still coming out of the North. I know that people who live in the north and east side of our country will find that temperature quite warming. Still it felt quite cold for me. The good news is that the temperature will start going into the 70 during the daytime for the next week. While looking out at the forest and watching the sun as it started shining through the trees I began to reflect upon my last blog. In that blog I mentioned that I had been crying.
That brought me to the thought about crying and the power of crying. While I was a policeman in Los Angeles I watched the many different ways a person could use crying to influence the situation that they were in. I have found that crying has both a positive and a negative effect. A person would use crying many times to get out of trouble. For example, there were many times that I pulled over a female driver and while talking to her about the violation she would begin to cry. In the beginning, it would influence the way that I handled the outcome of the traffic stop. But that was a rookie mistake. It took a long time where I was able to talk to that person about the violation, even while they were crying. I had to learn to stay on task and not be swayed by the fact the person was crying while I was talking to them. There were times when I would go to an arrest situation and the first thing that would happen when telling somebody they were about to be arrested was that they began crying. Usually the crying was done by women. But the technique was also starting to show itself while arresting men. Maybe it was because I hadn’t cried more than a dozen times in my life I found it disarming when a man would start to cry. Once again I had to learn to keep on task and not be distracted by the fact that the person was crying. That doesn’t mean to say that I did not realize the severity of the event. Many of those people were being real when they went into their crying. In dramatic events, I had to learn a different way of communicating with someone while they were wailing-crying. There were those times when somebody lost a loved one and they would begin wailing. It was almost impossible for me to communicate with that person or persons during that time.
I believe that crying is nature’s way of allowing a person to handle the stress of the situation. I do not think it is a bad thing, unless you are using it as a tool rather than a reaction. I believe it is important for people to cry when faced with a traumatic event in their life. Some people need to cry just to get to the stress of the day. Many times after a stressful situation, when the reality of what happened hits the person, they need to cry. And usually while someone is crying, another person will go and tried to console them. If you’re watching a traumatic event on television the cameras will focus in on the people crying. Crying is a powerful emotion and can be a powerful tool. I’ve seen people cry for the bad things and many cry for the good things. I watch a television show on the Velocity Channel called, Overhaulin. At the end of each program some lucky man or woman gets their car back in a first-class condition. When this happens I’ve seen what appeared to be grown grumpy old men begin to cry. There many times when you’re watching someone, either in person or on television, and they begin to cry, it ignites the feeling inside you and you begin to cry. When someone is crying I find myself trying to solve the situation for them so they do not have to cry.
When it came to doing my police work I had to keep on task and not let the fact that someone was crying pulled me off the task. That doesn’t mean their crying did not affect me. It always affected me but I knew to get my job done had to work through it. This takes a lot of practice of a particular discipline. It is kind of like the ringing phone. Many people cannot help but pick up the phone when it rings. It takes a lot of discipline to let the phone ring and continue what you are doing. The power of that phone ringing seems to be overwhelming with some people.
The same goes for the power of crying. When someone is crying it is overwhelming for some people to handle. Our children use that power when they were little and for while it worked. But after a few years most parents figured out that is being used as a tool and are able to work through the event without being swayed by the child’s crying. Actors work very hard at trying to be convincing if they are supposed to be crying in a scene. I know some people that can cry at the drop of a hat, so to speak. They continually misuse crying as a tool to influence the outcome to their favor.
I also know that crying is needed for me and others to handle stressful situations. I have PTSD and it didn’t really hit me until I was in my 60s. As I stated in an earlier blog, I am a Vietnam War veteran who was spit on and cursed at when I came back to the states. My work as a policeman kept my mind so busy and my emotions so guarded that I very rarely cried. Than one day while watching a simple commercial on television I found myself crying. In the beginning I did not understand what was happening. But with some professional help I found out that my crying was a way of my handling the stress of my past. Unfortunately my generation was brought up by America’s greatest generation, where men don’t cry. It was looked at as a weakness in character and a flaw in manhood. So it is taking some adjustment for me to accept the fact that there will be days I cry and its okay. It is a powerful emotion and I am lucky that my wife and family understand when I cry.
So the thought of the day is about the power of crying. It has both it’s a good side and a bad side. It is an emotion that is needed for us to help handle the stress of our living. And in today’s world it is okay for both men and women to cry. Unfortunately, there are people that misuse crying. They use it as a tool to influencethe situation to their advantage. Even today, if someone starts crying in front of me my first response is to do whatever I can do help them out so they do not cry. But now I look at the situation and usually make a decision on how I’m going to respond to their crying. I try to focus on what the task is and work through the crying to complete that task. I think no less or no more of anyone who cries then those that never cry. But I feel that it is a strong emotion that is truly needed.
That is my thought for the day as I now watch as the sun shines down on my front porch and the temperature is rising. That brings a smile to my face and I hope it’s a long time before I find a situation that ends up in my crying.
Pops
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